Lies I Have Known

Old lies can be quick to reveal but take time to unravel and process. A full moon is full exposure, it is the brightest most unpredictable night in the lunar cycle. When something completely absurd, terrible, or unbelievable is revealed and we don’t know how to process it, sometimes we pretend it’s not there. This full moon we have a choice. Look at the hideous thing in the eye and be willing to make mistakes while confronting it or suffer it’s burden.

The Sun, Moon, and Neptune are squaring off this Sunday which is shaking up our ability to communicate. There is a big truth to tell and there we need the DETAILS, girl.  It may take hundred attempts, an iron clad resilience, and an incredible level of patience to do so. Neptune is like a fog that can obscure truth with muddying logic. The term “gaslighting” is useful to describe what I think Neptune and the moon may be illuminating. It basically means a person repeating lies over and over again until the victim becomes unsure of their own reality in order to dominate and control them. This can also be used by people through systems of oppression to keep the oppressed from reclaiming their power. Sometimes people in positions of privilege within marginalized community (men, non-black poc, ablebodied, etc) perpetuate a culture oppression unconsciously by practicing gaslighting on their own community. We’re seeing a lot of people coming out about abuse of power in the name of justice and it can be overwhelming for many who are still struggling with their own abuse narratives. Sometimes, when we have unresolved abuse histories we can subconsciously (or even consciously) repress stories of others because that is what we’ve conditioned ourselves to do. In this space I ask you to be committed to curiosity and patience over righteousness or fear. It is an incredible and difficult journey to begin the process of accountability.  Saturn (discipline) conjunct Mercury (communication) is highlighting the need for a disciplined mind but it can also create intellectual congestion where we may overdevelop or over-think an idea and experience difficulty expressing it or experience a heightened sensitivity around how it is received. When we are talking about such sensitive topics like survivorhood and abuse I can only assume that mistakes and miscommunications will definitely happen. Oh yeah, and Mercury is retrograde. So… there’s that.

Jupiter in Scorpio is playing the part of relentlessly impassioned exposure of the shadow. It can be hard to tell where you stand amongst all this intense information. My suggestion is to start by witnessing and validating. Validate the stories of the survivors, the people you trust, validate the feelings coming up for you. Remember, just people information is coming up rapidly, does not mean you have to respond to everything at the speed it arises. In fact, if you don’t know what to do with the information just yet, be still and wait for your intuition to come through. The gift in the conversation between Jupiter in Scorpio and Neptune in Pisces is a chance for us to clearly understand and develop the integrity of how we manage conflict and accountability. It is important to open up to tension and hold our personal boundaries as well as being responsible for our feelings and actions.

Speaking of boundaries… Neptune is a dissolver boundaries between all things and in Pisces (it’s corresponding sign) it gives us a double dose of both boundary melting and desire for disassociation. This will be a LONG transit (until 2025) but the importance of it this week is its square to the Full Moon (a point of unresolvable tension) and trine to Jupiter (an open channel). Some of us may choose to go along with this dissociative and passive energy and it may be the safest thing for you to do. Mental health is a precarious thing and sometimes shit is too triggering to stay present for AND I encourage those of you who have the resources to stay present and grounded to do so to the best of your ability.

I also want to say, Neptune in Pisces has an intense shadow side of addiction, greed, and disassociation, but there is an incredible potential for spiritual revolution. I’m not talking about hot yoga and cold pressed juices. I’m talking about a spiritual evolution that will ready our spirits for a long overdue change. I’m talking about ancestral and descendant healing on an non-linear level. I’m talking about reclaiming indigenous lands, languages, and lives and the unsettling of settler nations. I’m talking about the fall of prisons and the end of the economic, environmental, social, and systemic war on black people. The death throes of gender based violence. Power taken back by the marginalized people of the world. One of many things these depend on is the ability to find yourself within these the incredible and terrible truths and to stay present with each emerging voice.

Art by Eileen Agar

“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced”  James Baldwin

 

Discomfort.

We’ve entered a place in time where, for many reasons, we can not allow to persist. What I hope to get to in this brief lunation is the location of our discomfort and where the lark of creative strategy may sing. The water we bear is not the world but what is in us that is of the world. We can not bear it all. It is not your fault and it isn’t mine. It is a responsibility. The responsibility to make imprecise attempts at describing real things. Things we all believe to be real.

To me, art is the closest attempt at finding this real thing, this reality. Art gathers all of our faculties, whether creating or witnessing, and compels us to connect, to study, and even to reveal something we’ve never known. It can connect us to that loose thread of truth. It is a powerful attempt to convey or understand a message that one couldn’t possibly say or hear without art’s powerful presence. Venus elicits these urges to put forth your lonesome experience and to connect with another alienated body. Not so that they may be understood, but so that misunderstanding can be seen and recognized as strange or familiar. So they (the art, witness, and creator) can be simultaneously marvelous and uncertain and real. Venus in Pisces tells me we could do this together. Collective creativity is possible. Faced with so many different and urgent dangers we need to be as creative as possible.

Freedom is another imprecise word. Many have never experienced this thing, freedom, so the existence of it is dubius. It is a feeling, a location, a thing to get – the struggle for which is universal. The aquarius new moon is here, I believe, to help us bear the unsettling burden of just how far we are from safety and how it may bring us closer to understanding this word, freedom.  

Freedom in the United States is often associated with the frontier, a new expanse of space, uncharted, rugged, and alone. As we know now in this 21st century, that ‘frontier’ was already occupied, so then, a frontier (and possibly the western idea of freedom) becomes a colonial, conquering thing. With this as our heritage in the western world it is important to frame freedom in a way that is not at any one person’s expense. So, in asking what will we do, we also should ask, what will we never ever do. Saturn brings the rules for this game. It’s residence in Sagittarius makes rule number one – dedicate yourself to learning more. Define your discipline around understanding and applying the information you are receiving, whether it be through books, teachers, or mistakes. It is wildly important, in creating solutions for oppressive systems, to try our very best to not replicate or invest in the very thing we are trying to fight.

The square of Saturn and Venus is an irreconcilable conflict. To make art often requires a disregard of the rules. Creativity cannot live confined to old ways. Yet Saturn makes us aware of the problem of unyielding ignorance. The best advice I can offer here is to know that in both circumstances, in both study and creation, there is a point where you must let it go. For art, for homes, and our children, for time, and money, it is only useful when we can let it go. None of it is only ours. It is a risk, bringing anything into the day and night of existence, and at some point we are all called to do so, and when you do choose to take up your vocation, you must bring it to the world in all of its brutality and wisdom. Maybe in this connection of the art, the witness, the maker, regardless of whether or not it is actually collaborative or fair or nice, we can experience a small moment of finding a part of ourselves that may be in fact a part of who we all are.

There is an old saying, you can not fill anyone else’s cup until yours is full.

Picture with me, a cup in your hands, picture it’s size, it’s shape, it’s color and texture. This is the vessel that holds the fulfillment of your emotional needs. Any ounce of water, tea, coffee, whatever that is in your cup belongs to YOU. Anything that spills over belongs to someone else.

If you give anything from what is inside your cup, before it is full, you make those people out to be thieves.

The first full moon of the year is important. This is a time of accounting and making our own value system which is important in a time where a day in the world seems more like an episode of the twilight zone.

This moon is one about protection and devotion. It is conjunct with the brightly burning Vesta. Whether it be devotion to an identity, protection of privacy, or your world view, there is some need to draw a line in the sand. The buck stops where the sacred and profane begin.

I used the cup visualization to create a frame that helps us keep in mind what we have control over and what we do not. Our bodies, our minds, and our emotional well being are the priorities that are paramount in this world. Each of our needs look different and all of us require communities and social services to keep these things healthy. Fill your cup first.

Still, under this moon people who have been socialized as caregivers can falter when it comes to being self sacrificial – wanting everyone to have a good time or fighting for a good cause, with no regard to what they actually are wanting. These people don’t feel their needs to be strong enough to be it’s own cause.

The moon asks you to center you and your needs as sacred worship to the temple your ancestors built for you. They also ask you to understand that systems of oppression are made to convince society that the disorder of oppression is order. Please remember this.

Another side to this is people coming out of the woodwork for causes that are more systemic than the surface problems that they are reacting to. People who are experiencing scarcity, instability, and fear who are not accustomed to it in their daily lives may be prone to throwing themselves into efforts to regain control over their circumstances.

There can be a lack of analysis or critical discernment when it comes to activism due to very inflammatory information.  Coming across as austere or holier than thou is not a good look right now.A lot of people have been suffering for a very long time, a lot of people have been fighting, now is no different to them than any other. Let all that spills over go to those who have none.

I said the moon is, in part, about devotion. A good part of devotion is study. If your being called to action, whether it is self work, political work, or creative work, chances are a great deal of emotion is being pushed through this work. Pairing this with diligent study creates a sustainable practice and greater articulates the purpose of the work. Sink yourself into it, become steadfast in the work. If your work reckons with the injustice in the world , your art, your activism, your hoeing and cruising is sacred work.  May your waters always be flowing and your fire stay lit.

If you need to fall into a hole of letter writing and political campaigning to assuage your fear, by all means. If you need to roll into the street and break some glass and burn some trash, get it goin.  It does not mean that the world must follow. It does not mean that anyone who doesn’t do what you do is a part of the opposition. It just shows where your priorities are and how you must meet them. Again, fill your cup girl.

If you BEEN workin the dystopia, pay no mind to the brand new artists or activists popping up trying your patience. The moon and Vesta encourages you to bein your dwellings, nest up, rest up, an rejuvenate yourself babe. Hold fast to the boundaries and take thy self to the temple, spa, and hot tub, and thaw them bones.

 

As always, receive care, take this moon in, take no shit, and suffer no fools. Don’t be pushed into doing things that aren’t apart of taking care of yourself. Build these protections around your communities and those that are most affected by the horror that threatens you.

 

***Artwork:

kx’i’m, k’a’min  —
(my) our storage basket, (our) my body

collage
12 x 12 inches
2012

by Genius Artist and PhD Scholar, Sarah Biscarra Dilley,  whose work explores the spaces between the worlds; between blood sickness and bloodlines, between grief and joy, between body and land. Visit her work at: sarahbiscarradilley.com

 

*** Side note:

+A dad holding  shotgun to his daughter’s date is NOT protection. It is ownership. It is patriarchal. When I say protect those most affected I mean prioritize their voices in your work. Believe them, hold their truth as your own, and fight as long and often as they do.

+We can protect and preserve what is ours through many ways but one thing is for sure, it won’t be done through coercion, bullying, or false prophesying.

 

Show Up

 

There are a lot of unknowns out there in the world right now. The clarity in chaos is an understanding of what we stand to lose. Some of us have lost a lot this year. Some of us have a lot to lose.

 

The question that arises is “What will we consciously risk to gain ourselves?” And even more “What is this “self” we should risk everything for?”

 

To survive the worst the world has to offer we it’s a good idea to be rooted in our original gifts and talents. This is where we find our personal power and Capricorn is all about harnessing our personal power. Some confusion may arise around our actual goals and needs. Some of us are conditioned to be self sacrificial, to care for others before ourselves. In a time where we need to be 100 percent on our healing game, these caregivers, however natural or unnatural the tendency is, can burn the fuck out.

 

Ambitious Capricorn and free wheeling Mercury in retrograde offer us a time to deeply consider how we talk to each other, how people talk to us, and our communion with the earth. New moon in Capricorn wants us to clear the ground so we have something to build on and draw up the blueprints so we can stay on track. Having this conjunct a Mercury retrograde can initially be confusing, but at it’s best we can find areas where we are sure of things and other areas where we aren’t. Once we’ve identified those areas we can focus on our strengths and build from there. Keep these strengths in mind in your daily conversation. Watch who speaks to them and those who do not. Take note.

 

This  can be an important time for solitude, which isn’t to say to be alone or lonely, but rather to have time to yourself and make sure you seek out your own approval before anyone else’s. That way, regardless of what feelings arise, your actions can reflect your intentions. This way we can honor our feelings and live up to our responsibilities at the same time. While in your solitude study a master in a field you are interested in. Find out not only what they do, but how they do it, who they do it with, and their struggles to reach their goals. Become intimate with this process.

 

The new year comes a little early with this new moon as it calls for  time of review, purging, and planning. Saturn (structure) will be in harmony with Uranus (innovation) beginning this month. This gives us an important boost in not only clearing out what is unnecessary but also energy to make positive changes in your life. This starts 2017 with new found responsibility towards yourself and those you are in community with.

 

“Your silence will not protect you.”

Audre Lorde

 

 

    Gemini keeps it light. Not light like sunshine and rainbows, but light like a reporter in war time. Detached but engaged, with but not of, understanding, gathering, unraveling. It is a daunting task, to witness everything. All of it. The whole world, every being, every interaction, every idea, theory, and thought. Even with two heads and four eyes, the Gemini struggles with this impossible task. So what keeps the Gemini going? Curiosity. Insatiable curiosity. It is just as vital to the twins as talking. They talk as naturally as molecules bond, as breath breathes, and hearts beat.

    With all these skills comes a shadow that gained Gemini a reputation that sticks. Gemini’s job is to observe, collect, and reflect. Within this process there is little room for judgement. In it’s highest form, the Gemini is a mirror, sharing the information as accurately and interestingly as possible.  This can be stone cold – especially when one is forced to confront a hard truth that may not correspond with their beliefs. It seems almost criminal to bore this air sign, let alone bring them down. Gemini, whose magic is working words, can and will help us construct the facts in a way that portrays a truth to their liking, never confronting what is standing in front of them.

    Gemini is a sign that also rules neighbors. In this time I think it is important to remember that collectively held beliefs are powerful. While Gemini is here to gather information, it isn’t here to make meaning or beliefs out of it. When meaning is applied to collectively shared information it takes on an entirely different role. I can see this time to be one of inquiry about the difference between truth and fact. I can see people shoring up their beliefs with assertions of “fact” deeming all other experiences as invalid out of fear of their own experience being invalidated. White supremacy, sexism, ableism, and nationalism all bank on a collective “truth” based on “facts” rooted in systems of oppression.

    Truth can be the coupling of human intelligence and the cold hard facts of the world. I know that truth cannot exist without either. I also know that the pursuit of the Gemini’s path is Sisyphean in the sense that gather all of the world’s facts are impossible. We must make our truth with what is in front of us – with what we are able to gather, and our personal intelligence as constantly incomplete things. What do you know? What do you see? And finally, how do you feel? The significance with the moon here is a fierce protection of one’s feelings by constructing a truth around it. This can be radical. This can be destructive. It can be both.

    “Speaking truth to power”, a term coined by civil rights leader Bayard Rustin, is something that is very important in this time in history. When we feel/are crazy for wanting to be treated with respect, to have a chance to live and thrive, to be safe in our homes and in the world, we must speak out against the forces and people that keep these rights from being actualities.

    The question that remains is who or what to we speak to? To what power is responsibility for our suffering?

    For answers we can look to the trine with Mars and Jupiter. Mars is the action and Jupiter is the bigger picture. We need them both so bad right now. Mars in Aquarius is intelligently assertive which works beautifully with Gemini (any Outkast fans out there know this). Jupiter in Libra can bring about a larger order through cooperation, encouragement, and art. The shadows of each are Mars’ expression of Aquarius’ rebellion thwarting the potential of significant achievements and Jupiter’s magnification on Libra’s indecisiveness. We can find ourselves searching for all clues around a conflict and never landing on a decision or stance. We can see something as clearly wrong but not confront it because it’s too obvious and it will take care of itself. I definitely think a time to make a concerted effort has come. I think it comes with a discovery of subjective vision where it was once unshakable truth. We may use Libra’s balance to understand many sides to truth, we may use Aquarius to sharpen our unique understanding of it. We use the moon as our guide and receive nurturance through this exploration of facts and fictions. We can find the truth to speak to that power in a truth that allows for people to each have their own experience of things. A truth that leaves room for taking in new information and has room for dissent.

    While the twins are known for their gift of gab the full moon is a time of reception. You probably know what you have to say. It’s probably the right thing to say. But now is the time to ask questions. To listen. To engage the curiosity and satisfy it with simply asking your questions. In a great conversation the role of speaking is only important to be able  listen more. Do not be silent. Never be silent. But don’t stop listening either.

    Take in the data of your life and do some accounting. What facts do you construct to tell your truth? Are you building your truth because it is being actively erased by community, society and state? Or are you building it because it is convenient defense for you ego? How can we create collective truths, powerful truth with our neighbors that reach towards liberation and freedom? How can we commit to curiosity in the face of dogma?

    Saturn square Chiron is known to spur some childhood wounds and open us up to an incredible opportunity for spiritual development. You have an opportunity to see and experience more than you imagine.

    We close this year with death and destruction. As creatures on this planet, we were born, live, and die with a constant cycle of winters. My heart goes out to all who have lost loved ones, friends, family, and feel like they’re losing themselves. I am so proud of the communities here in Oakland and of the world that organize out of love, grief, and compassion towards each other, the earth, and the right for both to thrive creatively, passionately, and sincerely.

 

 

xoxoxo,

diego

You gotta fight for your right to party.

 

Ok, so now we know. We got through the dark moon, we got the download, we got the shadow. So what now?

Let’s get lit.

I mean, since we’ve got to live with these devils, be they personal or national, might as well keep on living right? So when I say live what do I mean?

The archer pulls back on the arrow, a target in sight, she sees the distance, lifts that point to the sky, and what? Holds on for a minute? Nah. She lets go.

Some might call her crazy. She looks like she’s aiming for a star, a cloud, a vastness of sky. They might say “can’t you see what’s right in front of you?” With her experience and self assurance she aims, she steadies, and she lets go. She knows the course, the field, and still they’ll say she aimed too high. As she makes her arrow a bridge between heaven and earth, she knows, at some point in the future, that arrow will hit and strike true.  This new moon in Sagittarius we look towards what’s right, the highest possible good, and we set our sights on that.

However, without a specific aim, great leaps into action can become tragic missteps.

This moment requires great leaps, Sagittarius is the ruler of overseas travel, so we must have a specific aim. What we aim for right now is how to make meaning in this world out of our personal desires. In the full moon two weeks ago I asked you to get in touch with your senses. What did that bring up? How does that shape your philosophy on love? On joy?

Neptune is a great fog of illusion and disassociation. It can cloud our judgement. It can prevent us from seeing a future or make us over idealize a future. It can bog us down with feelings up hopelessness and then ask us escape the reality, put aside our principles, and just chill, man -it’ll all work out in the end. While, yes, time goes on and things ebb and flow, the new moon is telling you – chillin is cool, but living is lit as fuck.

Sagittarius is serious about integral joy. We need to know how to be happy in good times and bad, we need love before and after the apocalypse. Without this, we break down and become vulnerable to the corruption of those that try to bind us. Our ideals become objects no longer in our agency. Our principles become matters of convenience. Our joy becomes obedience to those who do not have our minds and hearts as priorities. Without something to live for we lose everything.

We must value our joy now more than ever. This means being able to drink clean water, this means free exchange of ideas, this means time for leisure, this means walking in the street without fear of death or injury. We must be preachers in the pulpit of ecstasy. Soldiers of love. Protectors of  all that sustains our individual freedoms and collective liberation in the spirit of sexual, emotional, and psychological autonomy. Aim by being responsible for your personal joy. We have to fight for fun. 

What’s Your Damage?

 

Scorpio can work with tension. Tonight the tension is between two shadows. Death and rebirth. This may sound like some philosophical pursuit but the scorpion’s way is not one of pontification. This new moon our quest is to feel, to put your hand on the thinning velvet curtain between worlds, and truly initiate yourself into the world of mortality.

With this moon comes a note from Neptune, dissolving of ego, to help us let go of logic and embrace our intuitive senses. With Scorpio’s desire to see the unseen and root up pretension, Neptune steps in with the sensitivity of a psychic, distorting our own vision with the echoes of other’s thoughts. The meaning of things can get lost, paranoia can step in, anger and control can rear. This is an intense combination and many of my sensitive people out there might need a little something to help muffle the voices of their friends and lover’s inner thoughts. Be careful with drinking and drugs around this time.

Neptune is not without it’s compassion. If we want, we can use this energy to discover hope in the frailty of our beliefs. We could allow ourselves to be inspired by resilience against seemingly insurmountable forces. We can accept the affirmation of the bison. All our lives end eventually. We might as well dedicate it to something we believe in.

Mars is slowly walking away from a standoff with Uranus but it still has it’s sights set on the god of the sky during the new moon. It’s time to break out of a situation that doesn’t reflect or support what you’re about. Both Uranus and Mars are all about you and what you want. This makes for a good back up team but not great for moral guidance. While their square is super unstable it is important to pay attention to whether or not you are letting exterior things control your actions. Step up the self-discipline and take control over what you are and what you do. If you can’t do this immediately, choose deliberate action steps to get to right with yourself.

Finally Venus meets up with old man Saturn in the sign of Sagittarius. Harsh. These two work well together when we can be flexible with our bonds of love and friendship. Issues of neglect, feelings of distance and coldness, and maybe an overall feeling of deprivation are strong here. I can see this coming up in our close relationships and even causing temporary or permanent splits between long term relationships. Be wary of making people “prove” their worth right now. Scorpio has an influence of skepticism regarding people’s projections of their identity – which can be healthy in moderation. However, Saturn’s stern affect can levy a disproportionate punishment for bad behavior, especially if this bad behavior is neediness or attention seeking. Remind yourself of who your loved one really is. Give affection to the positive parts of your relationship.

 

I will y’all happy haunting all the days of your wicked lives. ❤

Ok. This one’s a fucking doozy. My loves. My babes. My sweet and terrible heartbreakers. It’s a reckoning. But I promise you, even with the faith as small as a mustard seed, we can come out of this with more certainty, balance, and authenticity than ever before.

Here we go.

Raise a hand if you struggle with trust issues. Ok. Raise your other hand if you’ve got at least one person in your life you can trust. Those of you with both hands up, keep them up and go look in a mirror. What does that look like?

Surrender.

Trust is not surrender. Trust is not about knowing or believing someone will never hurt you. In fact, if someone ever says that to you, you might not want to trust them. Trust is not forgiveness after they’ve hurt you. Trust does not belong to another person. Trust is in you and in order for you to trust someone else you have got to trust yourself. I mean you need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if/when that “someone” fucks up – you can either truly accept it or you can walk away immediately. That is how you trust someone. You respect yourself.

This moon is full with everything that’s happened over the past two weeks. At it’s fullest point it will be exactly conjunct with Eris (discord) and nearly conjunct Uranus. This bundle of wild and emotional energy is squaring Pluto (upheaval, shadow) who is sitting shoulder to shoulder with Mars (war and sex). This combination tells me there is going to be a clearing. Hidden things will be revealed, balance will be challenged, and a massive change is under way. The term “breakthrough” comes to mind. That sounds good, right?

To have a breakthrough there’s often first an intervention. An intervention happens because things can no long go on the way they have been going. Full stop. I see this breakthrough happening verbally. Someone is going to show you who they really are and it might not be pretty. What are you going to do with that?

So it hurts, you suffer, but you are not ready to confront this directly. Assertiveness seems to come through when you feel like you have a place in the world. You assert your right to be there, wherever you are. Mercury following the Sun through Libra urges us to have a balance in how we assert ourselves in communication. This is not a time to be passive aggressive OR aggressive. This is your intervention. Be quiet. Listen. When it’s time, there is only one word you have to say.

Yes? Or no.

Things are changing so fast. We can’t keep up. We want to take action. Righteous action. But maybe right now being right isn’t much better than being wrong. What’s the better end of a shit sandwich?

The moon is asking you to sit with it. Feel that brutal tension. Understand it as the greatest form of integrity. The tension between what you want and what you have. The tension between who you are and how you’re treated. The decisions you make amidst great uncertainty show you what you’re actually about. Show yourself that you can trust yourself to make good decisions. The stars have your back.

Thank you to all of the friends and strangers who have taken the time out of their day to send me sweet notes, voicemails, and text messages. It feels great to share some of the work I feel called to do and to be held by my community and beyond. You make me feel like I can’t fail. I’m happy to be of service and humbled by the words you have given me. I want to make a promise to you. I promise to be obedient to the call of spirit. I hope you will join me in making or renewing this promise to the work you feel called to do in the world. Wether it is to embark on finding what that calling is or to refocus yourself on the true expression of your spirit. Thank you. ❤