Feelings and Healings
Shit happens. We go through this all the time, we fight, we fuck, we break up, we cry, we stew, whatever. Mars Retrograde has surfaced some old wounds that we thought we were done with a long time ago. We thought we were past this. We need to get past this.
The Cancer New Moon doesn’t require a lot to perform healing. She likes baths, oceans, rose water. She deals in intuition, the senses, the comfort and pleasure of the skin. She wants you to feel
how it feels
because you might have been avoiding some important steps in your journey towards intimacy and fulfillment.
When I think of Cancer I think of the ocean, I think of the tides. When you are caught in a tide the worst thing you can do is try to fight against it. This is our natural inclination, to survive, but this isn’t how the ocean works. When we surrender to the tide she may pull us in deeper, but we can save our energy once the rolling tide passes, and swim to the surface. Of course, this is a metaphor for emotions. Our scariest emotions. Feelings of entrapment, rage, and endless sadness. Of course this is a metaphor for healing. Healing is nonlinear and illogical. It is against our illogical and sit quietly while bombs drop around us. It is counterintuitive to surrender in what feels like a war. It is hard not to beat ourselves up for being to intense or vulnerable or cold. It’s hard to acknowledge that things you thought you were over are not done with you yet.
Our emotions can give us vital information. They can be a green light, an alarm system, a fuel gauge. My bet is that your anger and frustrations are showing you where your boundaries need to be and you are not sure if your ready to build them. Boundaries can mean letting go. They can mean breaking up. But honestly, the ones that are going to go up after these next two weeks are going to be about respecting yourself and the people you love. It’s transcendent. It’s long game. It’s real love. It’s fucking radical.
Just as self care isn’t about taking care of others, self care is not about avoiding responsibility for your actions. It is, in some ways, preparing yourself to be solid enough to be confident in your choices and to act in ways you are proud of so in the times we don’t act in accordance with our integrity, we can recognize it too. When we don’t take care of ourselves, very simple and honest responses can feel like they’re sinking our ships. If we ground our actions in our principles and meet our own needs, being accountable to those we love can be a positive influence in our lives.
Respect the messages your feelings are sending you. Take time to go through them and find where they meet your reality. Witness them. Honor where they came from. Let them be obscure and illusive, avoid emotional hygiene and new age guilt trips about becoming a “whole person”. You are a whole person, though sometimes or most times fragmented, distorted, or broken, you are whole. Yes, respect your feelings and avoid being over protective. What I mean by this is that there are feelings that serve us and feelings that have been products of our environment, ways we have been conditioned to feel that may not accurately reflect what we actually need. Guilt and shame at their best can be markers of where we could have done better. But under patriarchy and white supremacy they are often useless attachments to not being good enough, for needing “too much”, or even being too much. Although the New Moon is a time of new beginnings I think the most successful endeavor we can embark upon this cycle is recognizing old pattens of guilt, shame, or insecurity.
The new moon falls on the 4th of July where, in this country, we set off bombs in “celebration of the liberty provided by our forefathers”. There cannot be a better metaphor for the irony and flat out bullshit this statement is than the scene in a refugee center or a VA hospital on this day. My liberation isn’t celebrated with bombs, beers, or bros. My liberation will be celebrated when every prison is destroyed, all reparations are paid, and patriarchy eviscerated.
May the explosions this evening feed dreams of smashing the state. May all war survivors in this country be held by those they love tonight. May all who were children familiar with gunfire let their tears flood the streets. May the land rise up and swallow it’s colonizers whole. May we celebrate the our love for each other and ourselves tonight and every night. As we heal ourselves, we heal each other. Happy Interdependence Day.